At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
