8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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