I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
