even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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