got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
