just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
