I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
