there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
