I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
