i don't like sucking hair
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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