the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
