I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
