normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
