DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
