Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
