Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
