Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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