there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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