yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
