one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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