two words...techno handjob
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
