When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
did i walk over a car last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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