dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
