i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
two words...techno handjob
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
