Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
