Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
