How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
