I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
