I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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