I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
