This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
