if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
