all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
