whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
