If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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