I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
