Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
