I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
