Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
