I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
