idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
