If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
