allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
