my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
