Pappa wants mamma naked
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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