I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
