I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You made out with two different species that night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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