Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
