He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
