you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
