u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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